A Bend in the Road...PRAY!

Today at about 2:30 pm we received an email that at first glance indicated our journey to "Ladybug II" was OVER. I will post a bit of it here...

"I just wanted to touch base with you to see how your dossier documents are coming along. Probably you already know that under the CCAA's new regulation, the only option for you is to adopt a child through CCOP before Melvin turns 55. We have received the Child Medical Condition Check List but we are unable to match you at this point. Because the CCAA asking us to match a child to a family whose dossier is already in China if the child is with minor or correctable medical condition. If you could update me your dossier status that will be great. So we would know where you are at this point. If you need any help with the dossier process, feel free to contact me. I will be happy to assist you in completing your dossier as soon as possible. "

So you may say...what is the big deal...the big deal is our dossier is NOT in China and we had been told they could match us with "JUST" our home study...which would allow us additional time to get our dossier completed and then send the match and dossier to China together.

After receiving the email I called the gal who sent it and then she proceeded to explain the situation...NOT VERY WELL...she said that in February they began seeing children with a notation "family must already have dossier in China". She then began to try to find out if we would accept an older child or a child with more needs than we had indicated on our checklist. I had to stop her at that point...we have been moving forward in this process with encouragement and guidance and for some reaason some 2 months later we are informed of a change....basically I said I know there are children that meet our criteria and they are waiting for a family...I also know that if they and the CCAA want children to have a family they have to make it happen.

She suggested that I speak to "BS" the lady who we have spoken with all along who had encouraged us and guided us down this path. I left her a message and asked her to call...all the while feeling like the whole process was "derailed" and that, but for some papers or signatures or "red tape" a child would have a family sooner verses later.

The phone rang it was Mel...my heart sunk as I had to tell him what was going on. He took it well, but all the while I knew his heart was breaking with the knowledge that the dream and hope of adding another child to our family a sister or brother for Ellie Lu likely would not happen. It was more than I could handle to tell him and for the first time since getting the email I just sobbed. My friend Jeannie was with me and she just hugged me and said "don't give up".

Something came over me and I thought NO we are not giving up. I know that it can happen, it is possible, someone somewhere can make this happen. WE just need to let them know.....we are ready to meet our daughter or son.....so find them. We later had our call returned by "BS" and she was very encouraging and said that they are working diligently to understand the meaning of this new "rule" and also to inform the CCAA of the families they have in process waiting for a match.

So where to do YOU come in...PRAY...PRAY LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER PRAYED BEFORE...PRAY that this dear child that is waiting for a family is presented to those who can make it happen. PRAY that our dossier is completed quickly and somehow...someway...."Ladybug II comes home".

It Matters...

Up until this point it seems this adoption has been all about the paperwork and the checklist and the classes and JUST GETTING IT DONE to possibly have the chance, but today the doorbell rang it was UPS and I asked them to meet me at the garage...they had a large envelope package from the state of Tennessee and as I opened it while walking downstairs I saw the familiar blue cover on the authenticated documents and a tear streamed down my cheek...I would compare it to seeing the pregnancy stick turn blue or seeing your child's ultrasound for the first time...as I viewed this document my emotions emerged and I allowed myself to want this ALL to work out...and to anticipate Ladybug II. I had to stop and record this moment because for the last few months I have wondered and have not allowed myself to even really be excited afraid of the disappointment that may follow...but today I was and regardless of the outcome....it feels good to be excited and it matters...

Reality check...

Yesterday we had out first easter egg hunt and oh what fun we had. At one point we were all gathered around waiting in line to color eggs so we were singing to pass the time...Ellie Lu was with Daddy and a little girl named Kenli wanted me to hold her...so I did...then Lia asked to be held so I had Kenli who is 2 1/2 and Lia who is 2...one on each hip...ALL AT ONCE A LIGHTBULB WENT OFF...this could be my reality and it felt pretty good...KEEP PRAYING.


A few minutes later I was holding Ellie Lu and Lia wanted to join us...they are 6 months apart in age, so I picked Lia up and oh my Ellie Lu did not want any part of her Momma holding anyone else. Eventually she warmed up to it and actually gave Lia a dandelion...so sweet.