Is it Different?

So many people have asked..."Is it different this time...the waiting?" and it is different. When we waited for Ellie Lu we had waited what seemed an eternity, prior to waiting had lost 2 biological babies, undergone the intrusive process of fertility treatments and were overdue as far as wanting to be parents. We started a process that we were told was 6-9 months and completed a process that took 3 years...so yes it was different...and did I mention our home was empty we had no children...it seemed all we could do was wait....at at times barely live. Also during that wait we always wondered...would it even happen? Nothing compares to being childless and wanting a family.

That doesn't mean it is not hard now...it is hard waiting. We have a picture of a child that will be our daughter...she is growing and changing every day...yet the photos show her at 12 months and 18 months...yet we wait. We know who she is...we know where she is...but we have to go thru the process which is lengthy and involved and involves the passage of time. I have always wondered how families who were part of this process where you get a picture first and then wait...how they coped and now I know...

Most families who receive that picture up front are not first time parents...most have a least one child at home and others may have many children. My point is they are very busy...they are parents...they aren't waiting to be parents. Either way it is still hard...this time I feel guilty that I don't have endless hours to document every minute waiting...it doesn't mean that I anticipate this journey less...I just don't have endless time. We have photos of Ladybug II in our home, we talk about her at meals, we pray for her and yes we have shopped a bit for her too.

We also wonder...about her health, is she growing and developing...what have we missed? We can't dwell on the things we just can't control we can only anticipate what is to come...we anxiously wait for the day the FedEx man arrives with our LOA and we are invited to come to China to complete our family....we still have several months ahead of us...preparations to make, and much time to wonder and anticipate this new addition to our family and yes it is different...most things are the 2nd time around...not less special, not easier or harder...just different.

• August 31, 2009 received our I797c...
• Dossier almost ready for sending to China...